Hot Rod
I can’t believe that this movie was made. Hot Rod is like if I was given ten million dollars and told to make a film, this is the film I would make. It was probably in production while I was making my crazy motorcycle stunt movies …() most of this guy’s stunts aren’t much better than mine, but he definitely has a fraction more plot. The conflict he has with his step-father is literal, as in he actually fights his step-father every night to try and hit him in the face to gain his respect. And he hangs around with a crew of mis-fits, anyway, I loved this movie. And I recommend it to anyone who wants to see my four-minute youtube movies made into an eighty minute master-piece of crappy motorcycle euphoria. The mood of this movie is: ebullient. Not since Tom Green’s ‘Freddy got fingered’ have I so enjoyed wallowing in the crapulence of youth, father-son-conflict, and cheese sandwich factories, and of course crappy motorcycle skills.
-also i would like to note that i am a man of meager dreams, simple to please if you will, and my two big lifetime ambitions are to get an email read out on the oreilly factor, and an email printed in the letters section of the magazine 'australian motorcycle news.' (isn't that what old retired people do? write crusty letters to the local editor) And ive sent three emails to bill oreilly, and he has replied once, and below you will see my first attempt at getting onto the glorified pages of access in australian motorcycle news. If it gets printed i get a free amcn t-shirt, and if it gets letter of the week i get the shirt and an original drawing of casey stoner, which i can frame for the wall. This email is way too long, so unless they chop it down it won't get printed, but like i say in the email , i just have to vent about the smothering beurocracy that strangles this country and originates in canberra. Anyway if i get it printed it will be my second ever printed letter to a letters section of a magazine. I think back in 1995 i got a letter printed in a nintendo magazine, aptly title 'nintendo magazine system' it was to skull the letter guy, and probably waffled on about the awesomeness of mario, i just wish i had of kept a copy.
In other news everyone reading this needs to visit this website and sign the petition to stop front number plates being re-introduced for motorcycles. They will lose all the aesthetic appeal!!
http://www.gopetition.com.au/online/16944.html
please go to this website and sign the petition!!!
Anyway, Here is the email: (i've noticed all the letters to access are basically people griping about stuff, such a road conditions or what not, so i figured a gripe letter would be good)
Dear AMCN
I’m normally a very reserved guy, but the frustration has been building for several months, and I’m at the point where I need to vent to you, or seek anger management therapy. I am 25 and have been on my P plates for six months, and am stuck to a crummy 250cc motorbike until August. Oh for the love of god I can’t wait until that beautiful day when I get a bigger motorcycle. I ride every day and have become quite competent, but I’m a man who weighs 108 kilograms and while good at the lower speeds, anything over 70km/h and it feels like I’m riding a lawn mower. Yet my brother-in-law is 32, is too scared to go out in traffic and he is straight onto his blacks. I think the government should stop wrapping us up in hypocritical cotton wool. It’s the nature of the beast that we all drive around in metal tubes, and some of us are bound to get hurt, yet the government and its knee-jerk reaction will put up a set of traffic lights if someone gets killed at an intersection, as in the highway from Maitland to Newcastle, and slow everybody down just because there was one bad accident in a period of twenty years. And how many times have we seen up the east coast, brand new highway that is beautiful and smooth and all the safety built into that you can imagine, and they whack a 90 or 100 limit on it, only the lord knows why we all seem to accept being treated like drooling fools when everywhere in Europe you can go 130 not to mention Germany. I say we need to be like New Hampshire in the USA, where the state motto is ‘live free or die.’ Life is harsh, bitter and short (Hobbes), and I would like to reserve the right of freedom that this fine democratic country offers me, I do not want to be consistently molly-coddled to the point that I can’t smoke a cigarette, go out in the sun, or ride a motorcycle without being scared to death of those government shock ads. It’s freedom people, let’s all go outside and enjoy life and all its inherent dangers that’s what makes it so invigorating.
Some hilarious Quotes from the movie Hot Rod:
Rod Kimble: Did you reinforce the take-off ramp?
Rico: No, we didn't have time.
Rod Kimble: Cool.
*
Denise: I'm sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.
Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Of course.
Denise: Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich - in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco.
Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist, but correct. I'll see you later.
*
Cathy: Why do you call yourself Voltron, Dave?
Dave: I don't know Cathy, maybe because it's *super* bad ass?
*
Rico: I'm kinda grumpy today, dude. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was having those dreams again. Ya know, how it's just me in a castle and I gotta fight, like, a thousand wizards and the only way to beat them is to punch them as hard as I can in their faces. Then, when I'm done, all their little wizard wives came out and wanted me to have sex with them - which is kinda weird.
*
Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax.
Dave: Can't do, man. Can't do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you and you've got a mountain for a face.
Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave.
Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's.
Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it.
Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything.
Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.
