Mmm, ham

This is ridiculous, what is going on with this pig? This 11 year kid killed it with a pistol, a few weeks back. I came across it while i was watching fox news the other day, the kid's dad has even set up a website about it.

www.monsterpig.com

It's awesome hopefully this kid will be able make a career out of selling merchandise. I would pay at least 15 bucks to see the carcass. And a bottle opener to say i've seen it, that would be pretty cool. And think of how many leather wallets are in him.

This is a quote from the monsterpig.com website:

'The feral hog is definitely one of the biggest, if not the biggest ever taken by an 11 year old and Jamison is now looking for a big shotgun and hoping Dragons are real.'

'the biggest ever taken by an 11 year',gee whiz how big do they get. Imagine what size hog, a 13 year old could take down. Make sure you email the kid and congratulate him, i'll email him and see if he leaves a comment on this blog.

There is a movie being made about hogzilla, which is the biggest hog ever found, and Jamison the kid in the above pic has been offered a role.

I'm going to get my air rifle, and go see what i can get.

Hey mom there's something in the bathroom, hope it's not the creature from above.

Jesus is my friend on myspace. I have truly made it in the world of the interweb. So if anyone needs some spiritual favours, or just redemption in general i'll see what i can i can pull. I mean i have put him at number 7 on my friends list, so there are several mortals ahead of him. I liken him to more of a south park jesus, where he just runs a talk show, and hopefully has elizabeth hasselbeck as a guest host.

I watched the view today, i have flicked on to it before, seeing as it's on the 'w' women's network i don't generally pay any attention to what is screening, anyway i flicked on the other day and saw poor little elizabeth berated by the firebreathing lesbian rosie oddonel, the one who thinks george bush planned to blow up the trade centres. she said something along the lines of 'the buildings are steel, do you think steel can just burn'... hmm, how do we make steel again rosie, oh that's right we melt it and smelt and belt the shit out of it.

-to digress for a moment, it seems entirely possible that people like to think up conspiracy theories that involve the government planning shit, and hiding aliens and shit, when really they have more of a managerial role, without as much competence as it would take, to commit these conspiracy theories... but it seems comforting for people to think of an all knowing all powerful government because it gives someone to blame, and some sort of order in the world, like a safety net, that even if you think the government is nefarious, at least they are powerful and are on our side, as opposed to a world outside order which entails a higher risk acceptance in general life.

so i watched a bit more of the view today, and some other chick on the panel was ganging up with rosie against elizabeth, and they finally cut to a commercial break, then they came back and alicia silverstone was there talking about the vegan way.. 'just like, you know, like, just don't even look at a cow..' so my brief interlude of watching the view has come to an end.

also i mentioned before about being hesitant to rent Eragon. I rented it and watched it with my old man, and had some red wines, and had the time of my life. I loved it. Especially since the day before, on american chopper they had made the eragon bike, and jeremy irons and the kid, visited paulie and paul snr, at their shop to make designs for the kickass chopper. Since i've been riding, ive noted a lot more of that sweet cash in wallet, my allowance can really stretch the whole week now, alcohol included.

But i've cut down on that too. I haven't been hammered enough to vomit for over a month now. It took a lot of effort, seeing as i was getting totally plastered, to point of vomiting pretty much every second day since returning from the states, a trend that i started way back in june 06 on the contiki tour, and continued when i met the bad influence jroc, lol, living in the same dorm complex. The cut down was actually really simple, mum voiced concerns that my old man was drinking to much, and see i can fly under the radar, because im a high functioning drunk, but between me and my old we were going through at least 3 cases of wine every fortnight. So we just stopped getting it. Problem solved.

Quotes:

Lunchlady Dorris- 'more testicles means, more iron.'

4 beers...

fours beers is the magic number for Randy, before he does something stoopid. People who watch my name is Earl will know what i'm talking about. Earl is probably the best show i have ever seen. The other day i was at the video store, and one of the few movies i hadn;t seen was eragon, so i was standing there, wondering whether or not i was too old to watch some kid and some dragon save some world, when i saw the tv section next to it. And there was Earl, it was like karma or something, Carson Daley must have sent me on that path. Anyway i rented the first dvd which had the first seven episodes, and damn.... i haven;t laughed that hard for years, and i'm probably the most laughing guy i know, i will laugh at anything, but Earl, damn... so these past couple of days, i've been hopping on my sweet ride, my motorcycle, and heading down to video ezy to rent the next installment of Earl. I sit the dvd snug in my jacket for the trip home, mount my metal stead and ride.... It's awesome to watch them one after the other with no adds or any bullshit.

And tonight i watched the one where they thought the y2k had taken over, and they were living in the department store, and they each took over a certain section of the store, it was an absolute classic. Reminiscent of lord of flies, where they have the big shell to talk, instead on Earl they have the numbered ticket machine. The funniest part was when Joy (jamie presley. oh man she is smokin' i always thought she was the hottest chick in the world, but she was only in 'not another teen movie' and then some other b grade movies like 100girls , its been awesome to have her in my living room every night, i would gladly live in a tralier and be white trash to be with her) anyway, joy who is played by jamie presley took over the cosmetics sections, and earl had the snackfood section, and some crazy friend of theirs had the tv section, and earl wanted some antiindegestive pills, and joy said only if you give me a tv, and earl said, 'but i live in snackfoods, i can't give you a tv.' wow that was belated, but if you watch that episode you'll know what i mean.

I've probably had the best week of my life, riding around on my motorbike, and Jroc i don't have the leathers, but i have a cool regular jacket with kevlar armour to stop the abrasion in case i have a spill, it wont stop the mack truck crushing me, but it will stop the gravel rash... My gloves are leather, with kevlar inserts, and i have a fully encosed helmet, plus an open helmet like the dudes on the harley;s in the bikie gangs. It's funny, because all the other motorbike riders nod at me on their way past, today a carzed looking guy on a harley with a bandana nodded at me. It's freaking awesome. And i know it's a cliche, but damn, i really feel like i'm part of the world or something when i ride, it's like you notice everything, and you feel everything. And whenever i have to go somewhere it's no longer a chore because i love the trip. And i've done over 400km on my new bike wihtout being killed, so , so good so far.

Tonight i had a few wines, and i'm out, and i thought i had nothing left, which has happened a lot, but for some reason tonight i walked past my bar, and saw my hipflasks, and i thought, hmmm. maybe... and damn,,, i pick up the first one and there is a decent shot of whiskey in there, sure it's been there for about six years, (and i haven't found it before, i have been desperate for alcohol and never found it!) but tonight for some reason i picked up the hipflask that shelley gave me for my 21st and i used it like a week later, and it had some whiskey! it was like finding some buried treasure.. did you hear about that odessey ship finding the biggest treasure ever?? it's like half a billion american dollars of colonial coins. But im happy with my whiskey find, so im24 and 21 thats 3 years old then..

also this weird
http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:UPMUO6TrezMJ:www.universityupdate.com/SEC/Georgia/2119561.aspx+danielinamerica&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=24&gl=au
georgia tech have my blog, how bizarre?

let's ride.....

I got my motorcycle licence last week, and today i pick up my new bike from the dealer. This is a picture of it. It's a v twin 250 yamaha. On my way home from the dealer i'll call into the Gladiators and see if they want me to join. I know i'm about 1200cc's short of power, and it's a jap bike, but the styling is there. And there is a designated bike park area at university which is free to park in. So no more looking for a spot and no more 3buck parking. With the insurance, i was hoping to get the over 25 break next year, but the bar has been raised to 30!! So now you're considered expensive to insure until you're 30! Damn fatcats in sydney. But at least i'll get about 25km per litre, as opposed to 10km per litre in my car. So we should all be riding bikes to save the environment, and save some cash. It's all about the sweet cash.

This bike can do 130km/hr on the highway, so in a year or so, it might be perfect for my around Australia trip, but then again i was just looking at the harley website and for 11 grand you can get an 883 sportster brand spankin' new. And then the Gladiators will be sure to accept me.

Australia's model: In next top model they are down to four girls, and two of them are the the two that i selected right from the start. Anika and Steph H. Although i'm starting to think Jordan has a chance, even though she looks weird, when she is on the catwalk, she really shines. And witling wallflower Alice; she looks like she has just walked out of the forest, spending her days picking daisies and daffodils. A strong southerly would blow her away, but that's what you get when you don't eat anything that casts a shadow. They complain about her lack of energy, someone should shove a half kilo steak down her gullet, a bit of protein would get that girl going. And poor old paloma, i loved it how she has been in the bottom two for the past three weeks, and they kicked her out, and she said. 'I guess they knew i was just too good at everything.'

Quotes:

Krabappel: All right, class, today we'll be sitting quietly in the dark because teacher has a hangover. Ugh -- like a chainsaw in my head!

Nelson: Sweet Hog, Mr. Simpson.

Homer: Remember to rebel against authority, kids!

Skinner: Don't listen to him, children.

Milhouse: But we already did. Now I can't get it out of my head!

[Nelson whaps him with a book]

Krabappel: Thank you, Nelson.

***

Homer: Yeah, that's the life for me, Marge. Cruising and hassling shopkeepers.

Cop: When will you teens learn to be uncool like everyone else?

Jimmy: Never, pops.

Homer: That's right -- never!

Jimmy: You can arrest me, but you'll never defeat the Cobras. Nothing can defeat a motorcycle gang!

Homer: A gang -- that's the answer!

Lisa: Answer to what?

Homer: Hey, don't make me hassle you, Lisa.

***

Homer: Hello, police? Can you send a SWAT team to 742 Evergreen Te --

Wiggum: Forget it, Simpson. Those pig noises you made really hurt my feelings, looking like a pig as I do.

Homer: But you have so much inner beauty.

Wiggum: Well, uh, be that as it may, ah, the gang is wanted in eight other states and we have a little saying around here: Let Michigan handle it.

***

Homer: ... and the bikers saw the hard look in my eye -- you know that hard look I get sometimes -- and they ran away like schoolgirls, with their tails between their legs.

Bart: Way to go, Dad. Hey, where's the food?

Lisa: And why aren't I at school?

Homer: Yeah, someone really dropped the ball here. Marge? Marge?

Who wants to be a ninja?

I begin my two day motorcycle course this afternoon, so by thursday after a trip to the RTA ill be legally allowed to ride. All i need now is a motorcycle.